It's been a couple days and here is what happened:

1. I told the Sadkhin Complex to go fuck itself.

2. I joined Weight Watchers online. I've been really good on it so far, keeping up healthy eating habits, eating "bad" food moderately (ex: i had small fries one day. last night i ate sushi.).

3. I SUCK at exercising. I need to to do it I know. I kept telling myself I would do Slim in 6 6 days a week, but I didn't do it friday, saturday, or today. On Tuesday I'm starting ChaLean Extreme, hoping it hold my motivation better. It's not that I don't like Slim in 6. It's a nice program. But I need something intense to hold my motivation up I think. I guess we will see what happens. I'm trying to be active in some way everyday. Thursday night I went out dancing. Friday I took the dog for a longish walk. Saturday was a waste, I can admit it. So is today (Sunday).

I weighed myself this morning and get 257.5. How is that possible? I've been keeping my diet, I've been exercising, I don't get why the scale says I gained 4 pounds. When I weighed myself on Thursday it said 253.5. My goal this week was to break 250. Well that's not happening. I feel really down on myself, but I'm proud that I'm not pigging out like I would normally. I wish I could just cut my fat out with a pair of scissors. Getting in shape HURTS. I want to get to that point where I need to work out everyday for my sanity. How do people like that exist? It's like they're not happy unless a part of their body is cramping from exercise stress. I want that. Unfortuneatly I have a million other things in mind... like how the only guy who wants to hang out with me is my ex-boyfriend. That bums me out so hard. I know I have a lot to give, but a little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that no one will give even half a shit about me until I lose weight. I hate that voice.

I'm going to keep trying. Hopefully my mood improves.